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Post by Arashi on Jul 11, 2008 14:20:45 GMT -5
I'm actually an incredibly bitter person, I just don't want to bother you guys too much with my nonstop whining, so I think I come off as reasonably happy. Actually, as far as I'm concerned, you can bitch and whine all you want here as long as it helps. If you express your problems, people may help (or at least try to) or give you advice on how to deal with troubles. If you do that both here and at DD, then you'll get their takes and ours. So unless it makes you uncomfortable or there are things you feel you shouldn't share, feel free to let out here.
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Post by Hippie Van on Jul 11, 2008 18:28:57 GMT -5
Sweet! I guess I'll start out by saying that I cried and screamed so much today that I feel sick now, if it can work that way. My mom and I had an argument, and I have anger management problems(not to mention that I absolutely loathe her) so I started crying and screaming curse words over and over, and shaking pretty badly. My mom, however, has no feelings or empathy so she sat there and looked at me, stone cold, insulting me, my art, my lifestyle, and my intelligence, all on a very personal level(a sample: "Don't tell me you're having another one of your stupid anger fits. What an idiot"). Eventually I got to a point where I was so angry I was afraid I would hurt her or myself, so I ran out of the house in my socks and just walked around town for a few hours. When I got back I found my dad had come home and my mom had told him that I had been insulting her, instead of the other way around, so my dad tried to talk to me about that which only made me cry again.
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Post by Seventy2 on Jul 12, 2008 14:05:07 GMT -5
i know that i lived in a semi abusive home....and i do have slight anger management problems...but i took it out in physical sports....
i wrestled in highschool, and while i was wrestling, or had that to fall back on, i was the most chillax person...then i stopped, and it got harder and harder to control my anger....so i picked up taekwondo... and i'm pretty chillax again...
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Post by Hippie Van on Jul 12, 2008 18:32:27 GMT -5
I swim, but that's not much of an anger reliever. Usually, I know when I'm getting angry, so I can get out of the situation(usually that means out of the house) before I get too bad, which is why I've never really hurt anyone, but I'm always scared that I will. If I ever did, I don't think I would be able to deal with it.
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Post by Arashi on Jul 12, 2008 21:10:49 GMT -5
Yes. I would definately try to find something to alleviate the stress, anger, pain, or whatever wells up and causes you discomfort. I've had it really easy my whole life; my parents would never think of abusing their children, physically or verbally. It sounds like you live in a pretty difficult atmosphere. It's always a shame when parents mistreat their kids. Don't hate your parents any more while doing this, but definately notice the mistakes they make when raising you and take great care not to make those mistakes yourself, especially if you plan on having children. I've often found it easy to be an optimist, and it's difficult for me to empathize with you. I've had problems with severe depression and anxiety, though I've pretty much cleared that all up and am pretty content (except for other problems I happen to have. ug.), but I've never really had anger management problems, so I don't know if my advice is possible for you to take, or if they'll even be valued in the least bit. But if I can help, then I'll be very happy. One thing that I try to do, which I kind of talked about before, is to analyze what people do and notice the mistakes and the good decisions they make. Try to learn why they make them and what happens when they do and try to avoid making the same mistakes that they make. Some of it is inevitable, you've been raised by them and you have the same genes, and all of that crap, but you can alway be better. As for the now, definately try to find an innocuous way of taking out aggression. Perhaps draw, write, beat a pillow (I've heard that works, but it just pissed me off more), yell really loud, find solitude, cry, excersize, talk to someone or something about it, or find some other method. But definately don't wallow. Taking a walk and letting your emotions bring you down can just make you unhappy. But taking a walk and letting your emotions clear and take control of themselves, thinking happy thoughts or how to improve your situation, or just thinking of deep concepts can make you happier. Distracting yourself sometimes. helps. Okay, enough of me trying to play counselor. It's difficult to do when it's not in person and I'm probably not very good at it anyway.
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Post by Arashi on Jul 12, 2008 21:11:11 GMT -5
Wow. I wrote more than I thought I did!
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Post by Hippie Van on Jul 12, 2008 21:35:17 GMT -5
I've never actually thought of my home as "abusive," but I guess the way my mom treats me could be considered emotionally abusive. Huh.
The thing is, I feel like we're a normal family and my mom just doesn't belong in it. My dad is the best father I could ever imagine. I can talk to him about pretty much anything. Even when he found my pipe, which I imagine would get most kids punished, we just had a long talk about it, and he didn't confiscate it or anything because he trusts my judgement. He knows how I feel about my mother, and he always tries to stand up for her because she had a difficult life, but admits that it is hard for him as well, and that he tries to be a good parent to make up for it, which he is.
I don't like kids, so that's not a plan, but I've been told I'm very good with children, so if it did happen I hope it wouldn't be a problem.
Usually the long walks I take are just an immediate solution to calm me down. I know it doesn't make my situation any better. I just walk as far as I can, farther every time, until I sometimes nearly get lost and have to find my way back by following the highway.
I used to write and draw when I was angry or depressed, but I am incredibly paranoid about doing that kind of thing because I know my mom goes through my stuff when I'm not here. One time, I wrote this monologue for drama class(presenting it was optional) about my aunt's suicide, and a lot of stuff that it was affecting in my family. My mom found out about it and asked if she could read it. I said respectfully that she couldn't, and that it had nothing to do with her. Then she stole it out of my room. I found it in on her bedside table when I was looking for the tv remote. She never apologized, saying, "If your drama teacher can read it, then why can't I?!"
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Post by Arashi on Jul 12, 2008 21:46:15 GMT -5
Well, your father sounds like a really good person to confide to. Your mom seems to have issues. I can't read too much into your life, but it seems like the main discordance of your home is the relationship you have with your mom, which may induce anger problems.
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Post by Hippie Van on Jul 12, 2008 21:48:35 GMT -5
Yeah, that's about it. Having to live here makes me pretty pissed off, too. Winnipeg can suck a fart out of my *cough* anyways, thanks for the help.
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Post by Arashi on Jul 12, 2008 21:48:36 GMT -5
My rant is that I sometimes go through strange phases when either my vocabulary feels deficient, or I have trouble thinking of smaller words to use in place of the larger terms that I want to use. And when I use too many big words, I sound like an ass.
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Post by custardtrout on Jul 13, 2008 14:02:56 GMT -5
I should probably be upset at the fact that I have to exaggerate my emotions, because I barely seem to feel anything.
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Post by Arashi on Jul 14, 2008 3:34:47 GMT -5
I should probably be upset at the fact that I have to exaggerate my emotions, because I barely seem to feel anything. You poor, numb child. You need to escape.
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Post by Hippie Van on Jul 17, 2008 10:34:51 GMT -5
I'm being dragged out to the middle of nowhere again, goddammit. Even worse, my dad has to work so it's just my mom and my little sister and I. I love my little sister and everything, but she's honestly such a spoiled brat, and I can't stand being around my mom alone for more than a few minutes at a time. I get so stressed out every time this happens. I can guarantee that when I get back, I'll have a dull headache and my lip will be raw and bleeding because I pick at it when I'm stressed. So if I'm missing for a couple days, that's why. I can't always pick up wifi out there.
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Post by Arashi on Jul 17, 2008 14:18:09 GMT -5
At least you get a computer out there. Also, you should bring a book, drawing materials, and other things to keep you intertained. I daydream A LOT, so it's easy for me to entertain myself.
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Post by Hippie Van on Jul 17, 2008 18:05:05 GMT -5
Pfft, I had to buy my computer myself. I have a few books(I'm a fast reader) and my new sketchbook, so I'm doing alright right now, mostly because I've been promised ice cream.
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